Am I where I am supposed to be?

I have recently been wondering if I am supposed to stick with teaching and what I am doing. I remember thinking once about what my favorite past time is, I love to read. I love books. I wanted to do what I love most. Then it dawned on me that I love working with children. I love working with all children. I am a firm believer that all children really want to do as asked. I just have to learn how to work with the students I teach in a way different than other children. It is so important to listen to the kids. Listening to them will teach me how to help them learn. We do play games, we do take our time, but we are making progress at a speed that is appropriate for them, not just me or the curriculum. If they could keep up, they would not need me! I am where I need to be. I am helping "The least of these..." I also know that they just need to be loved and shown that no matter what they are important. I am not the most patient person in the world, but I try. I try to do my best to listen to their frustrations. I try to read their progress. I try to recognize how to adjust what I do to meet them where they are and continually take them a step farther. I do get tired, but I seldom get tired of 'my kids'... my tired comes from my body and trying to learn how to treat myself in a way that I don't get tired of others.

this is what life was meant to be!!!

I cannot believe how wonderful teaching and home and life is right now. Of course I have other stuff I want to do, but in time I get to do it all. Wow!! I am so very blessed. I pray it will remain this way forever!!!

Amazing Life

I have been watching this site for a while from my phone, but found I could not add a new post. I read the old posts and was amazed at my own insight. I really think that writing down thoughts and feelings makes sense to me...it helps me to sort out my life and remember where I have been.

I really think that God is amazing in the fact that He has honored me and allowed me to live the life that I have. I know that much of my life has been spent sorting out the trash from treasure and I think I am living in the treasure part at this time.

I came home today and read. I read the last two chapters of my book. I did not need to stay after school to work with students. I am all but caught up on my grading. I have a few things to do, but this year I get to live my life. I am not all consumed by my job. My job; John says do what I get paid to do So, I do and I also have time to live, last year, not so much.

I recently posed the question, "Do we have the right to live our lives for ourselves or are we obligated to serve Jesus?" I honestly believe that not all are called to serve, but I feel it very strongly. I believe I am to serve in any way I can. Now, the trick is to find the way that I can be of the most service to Jesus. I am willing to sacrifice, but I am not like a good friend and make food and invite others and give of myself. So while I feel called to serve, I also know that I have limits. Hmmm, are we allowed to have limits?

I read in a news article (like Ann Landers) If you did it over again, would you have children? The people who said yes willingly gave some type of identifying information while the people who said no with held their info... interesting. I personally would have, knowing what I know now, had as many children as my body would allow. I would have started at 18 and had bunches. I wonder if I am to foster or adopt. My heart says yes///no, my mind says no///yes...I am completely confused, so I do nothing, I do nothing, I do nothing...

recurrence but moving on

After the trip to Connecticut and the wedding, I planned a trip to Wisconsin following my scan. I went to the doctor on Friday, July 29. I was so sure that the scan would be clear, that I planned to leave Saturday morning. John suggested that I leave on Friday after the scan, but for a reason I cannot explain, I decided not to. Knowing that I would not get any information about my scan because the doctor left the office at noon and my scan was at 11:00, I knew that I had time to prepare for my trip. At 5:00 p.m. Dr. Zahra called and stated that there was something "questionable" on the scan. That really rocked my world. I spent all of Saturday brooding and stewing about what was on the scan. I had questions, but no way to ask them. I did research, and decided that something questionable had to be cancer. It could not be thyroid since my thyroid was gone, so the only thing left would be thyroid cancer...well, the MRI stated that there was nothing to remove with surgery, but I did in fact need to have a second treatment. on Tuesday, the doctor confirmed cancer recurrence. I was able to get a treatment on Wednesday, August 3, 2011. The following week I had school meetings to participate in. School, with students, started on the 17th of August. Here it is September 5, and I am still exhausted and unable to function to capacity. I was off my meds from July 8 through August 9. I have been back on for almost a month and I am beside myself with frustration.

I am learning that I need to sleep regularly, bed time not past 10:00. I cannot eat deep fried foods any longer, and I need to eat lots of vegetables and fruit and whole grains. I am thinking that it will take me a while more to gain my stamina. Makes me sad, actually. I really would like just to have an instant boost. I wonder if my miracle will happen tomorrow?

Jennifer is married...

to Josh...7-7-2011
I knew this day would come, but now that it has come and gone it is somewhat bittersweet. I love my daughter so very much. I am pleased that she found her guy. I will pray they follow Jesus all the days of their lives. I pray that they will recognize the importance of God's direction.

Now that it is done, I guess I expected a bit of a change, although I don't know why. I did raise her to be completely independent. She is...

va.ca.shun

Went to Lincoln to help Jennifer prepare for the wedding- shopped for a dress +
Participated in a science curriculum meeting +
Went to help Dad and Jan- shopped for a dress+
Met JoAnn in AZ and toured the state+
Participated in 2 para interviews+
Shopped for a dress +
Painted Jennifer's room +
Planned, prepared, and executed the bridal shower +
Went to Connecticut- shopped & located a dress +
Flew into Omaha; 11:30 p.m.+
Hit the ground running Wednesday +
Decorated and dressed and participated in the most romantic wedding of all time +
Got Ali to the airport+
Drove home +
Caught up on homemaking +
Have Sam, Becky, and Maverick Here to visit +
t&s to eat tomorrow night +
Monday s,b,m heading out +
Possibly interviewing +
Dentist +
Va.ca.shun +

Underway...

I don't know when my last post was, but I am sure it was before vacation started. I don't really know how long I have been out of school, but I had to go in and work today... had to take my vacation mind out of neutral and engage the gears. Tough to do. I am not at all ready to even think about being in school. If it burned down right now, I would not even care...that is how far removed I am from work right now. If I were to think about it for long, I know I would care, but right now, no.

Wedding, shower, vacation...that is where my mind is. I just returned on Sunday (today is Thursday) fron 20 days gone. I was jsut starting to feel like I could get into my quiet place with my savior, and then here, time to rush to ready for the shower, wedding, and trip to CT. But, all is well since I am giving myself time to do it all. I have done most of what I needed, besides shop, for the shower. It will be good. shop on Friday and Saturday, Father's day on Sunday, paint on Monday and Tuesday, clean on Wednesday, Thursday, food shop on Friday, final prep on Saturday a.m. and shower at 1:00. Then I can rest rest rest up for trip on Wednesday the 29th. hmmm, back on 5th, Lincoln on 6th, wedding on 7th, Ali out on 8th, thyroid scan during the next week (18th?) rest rest rest trip to Rochester then Cottage then home for school. yep yep yep, I'm booked. [Rereading what I wrote... and maybe I recorded what happened late in July or early in August, I do not know... I do know that I had a recurrence of cancer. I had to have a second treatment. I had to give it all up once again. Now, October 2014, I am hear to reread and to assemble the pieces from that time. : )]

Depression.

http://www.angelamaiers.com/

Living in Nebraska

It is another winter day in Nebraska. Just as snowy today as ever... but that seems to be the norm for our home. We moved here in 1995 and have experienced many different types of weather at many different times of the year. The teachers seemed surprised when I said that I could not remember year to year weather history. I really cannot recall what the weather was the year before. I know we had snow days at Thanksgiving, but the only thing I can recall about that one was Jenn and Kelly being home, and that the living room was in the garage, and cooking on the wood stove because there was no power. That dates that snow storm at 2005 since Jennifer graduated in 2006 and was in Lincoln at Thanksgiving time in 2006. I really just don't care. I know I have written about it in my journal, I guess all the days of my life are recorded someplace... on paper or now on this blog. Is that crazy? To start a blog that others can see, and spill my guts? I guess I really don't care if I am talking to someone or no one but me.

I have come to decide that I want to make our home and farm a sanctuary/fortress. I really love our home. I love it more and more each day. I really dread leaving it everyday, but I also dread staying here for days on end. I guess I am just mixed up. I am just learning that I am in charge of my destiny. I can do as I wish and I, and I alone, am obligated to change it. That causes havoc with my belief in Jesus. I have always felt that I am obligated to submit to others as I am to be the subordinate. Hm!

Well, once again, welcome to my thoughts and my journee. I know that journey is spelled journey, but I have seen it spelled for a person's name with two ees, and I am compelled to be different and my journee is different too. I love my life and I hate it. I love what is happening to me and I dread it. I love how my children are growing up and moving on. I don't hate it, I just know that one day my life will be done and I hope that I have been to them and given them what they need to be well rounded adults. It is strange to think that they came from me and they are going on to make a life apart from me. a Miracle I confess... praise Jesus for His grace to make a baby and raise the baby up times three... I love you Samuel, Jennifer and Kelly!!

to live by

"Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.

-St. Paul"

The day to start a blog~day number two of a snow day vacation...

How does a person manage to not waste every day of their lives? I have such noble intentions when I wake in the morning, then bam! the day is over and it's time to think about tomorrow. I really hope that having this blog will help me be a better person and better manager of my time! I am afraid that it will just encourage me to spend more time procrastinating and less time doing... isn't that what it's all about? at least for me it is, wasting time planning and never get to the doing. If there were one thing I could change about me, that might be it. I better go think about that... I bet if I spent too much time thinking it over, I'd find many, many more things to wish to change. Until next time, k