Passion for the One who gave His life for me.......

I have lived all over this beautiful land called the United States. I was blessed with parents who had an adventerous spirit. I am thankful to them for not fearing the move or the unknown. Although I was teetered and tottered all over the place, and my home life was peculiar, (another post) I am grateful for all of what I was blessed with: my lovely family, my vivacious aunts and uncles, my cousins and nieces, nephews and friends...ok, I really don't have lots of friends, but I know a lot of folks from all over the place. I just have decided that I don't need to cling to them to maintain who I am. But, I am afraid I am losing my rich identity from all of the experiences I have had before moving to Nebraska. People here just don't seem to have a passion for Jesus, an understanding that life is not just so. I am so consumed by Him that I ache. I just don't have a way to project it. I don't have a platform. I think people think I am batty. I think people think that I am too passionate about Him making me snobby. I don't understand how a person cannot be head over heals in love with Him considering all He has done for them/me. I feel like I want to absorb Him, His word, His worship, All of Him, but I cannot. I am restrained by time, by sleep, by activities, by work, by pastimes, by secular life, by time wasters, by everything that gets in the way...bound by the devil to keep me from growing - to keep me out of touch, a sinister, evil battle...

I feel like I am dying inside. The musty, dark, dungeon smell eminating from within me. It has been a long time since I have had joy in my heart. I want the bubbly joy to come, not the fear of being silly or the frown of being serious. I love love love to be around the kids. That is the confidence I want to carry in my heart all the time.