categorize and compartmentalize

I have little slots in my brain. At one time there was a booklet that I got where the author used an analogy of a house for a person's heart/life. We put different things in different rooms in our hearts. Jesus wants access to all of the rooms... can you give Him that?

Well, I too am a person that categorizes my stuff. EVERYTING! I have a place for it all, order... I remember when I was a child I did that too. I organized the house. I could not stand clutter. I still cannot.

But what I want now is to simplify and declutter my home and heart. I want to minimize our stuff. John did me a great service by paying my debt. He paid what he did not owe to save me from being bound by the debt I struggled to pay. I have to constantly remember that I do not have the money or means to be overly generous. In fact, I want to whittle my stuff/our belongings to just what we need to live and survive. Sounds kinda sad-but also liberating, but what more does a person really need? A roof, a means by which to maintain that roof, and food (and this person needs food for the mind: )[I am sure, if you guys are reading this now, you are gagging on my food for the mind]. I also need to do this with my heart. I really need to think of it in the same way. What do I really really need in my mind? ~God's word...love for family and friends, passion for my husband (which I am learning about), a willing spirit to have the words to give my all to Him. A way to give it all away, even unto death (yikes)~

Passion for the One who gave His life for me.......

I have lived all over this beautiful land called the United States. I was blessed with parents who had an adventerous spirit. I am thankful to them for not fearing the move or the unknown. Although I was teetered and tottered all over the place, and my home life was peculiar, (another post) I am grateful for all of what I was blessed with: my lovely family, my vivacious aunts and uncles, my cousins and nieces, nephews and friends...ok, I really don't have lots of friends, but I know a lot of folks from all over the place. I just have decided that I don't need to cling to them to maintain who I am. But, I am afraid I am losing my rich identity from all of the experiences I have had before moving to Nebraska. People here just don't seem to have a passion for Jesus, an understanding that life is not just so. I am so consumed by Him that I ache. I just don't have a way to project it. I don't have a platform. I think people think I am batty. I think people think that I am too passionate about Him making me snobby. I don't understand how a person cannot be head over heals in love with Him considering all He has done for them/me. I feel like I want to absorb Him, His word, His worship, All of Him, but I cannot. I am restrained by time, by sleep, by activities, by work, by pastimes, by secular life, by time wasters, by everything that gets in the way...bound by the devil to keep me from growing - to keep me out of touch, a sinister, evil battle...

I feel like I am dying inside. The musty, dark, dungeon smell eminating from within me. It has been a long time since I have had joy in my heart. I want the bubbly joy to come, not the fear of being silly or the frown of being serious. I love love love to be around the kids. That is the confidence I want to carry in my heart all the time.