What could there be to say? Christmas Day 2015 my dad died. I still think of him. I was getting ready for church this morning and it popped into my head again... He is gone. No more conversations, ever. I know I'll see him in heaven, but that is not here and now. I don't regret not contacting him more. That is not the point. I called him as much as I could/cared to, but now I cannot even call him at all. I miss my dad. There were times I called just to talk. Kinda like writing on this blog. Nothing that is spectacular, just life. He cared about my life. There are times I wonder if he really did. I think he did. I know he loved me, and my brother, and my sister. Without a doubt. I hope my kids know I love them, even when it looks like I don't get involved. I wonder if they will say to themselves, gee, mom must have really cared... She never called...
So, what am I to do? Just keep thinking things will change when my brain is no longer in the deep freeze of this winter... I feel held captive by the weather.
I know it is not true, but right now, I feel like my.life.sucks
I'd probably feel better if I ate better
I'd probably feel better if I were warm
I'd probably feel better if I felt better
Why can I not be confident like Samuel?
Why can't I be creative like Jennifer?
Why can't I be sure like Kelly?
Why can't I be kind like John?
What will they say about me when I die?
