Walking~Walking~Walking into 2017

As I decided to add a new post about walking into a new year, my mind put forth an image. This image has morphed several times in the 5 minutes since my initial thought... I have a niece that walks faithfully, daily. I want to do that too, but I do not live in a climate that is friendly to daily outdoor walking, so I am not sure if I will be successful before I begin. Which in my estimation is a perfect way to fail before I start : / Anyhow, I imagined just walking into the future... like moving forward... not a well painted image. Then I thought of escorting the new year in on my arm... yeah...no. The hype of a new year is so overrated, somehow the drama that plays out over a year is actually encapsulated in a millisecond. Really, like a birthday. What's up with that? One second you are 20 and the next 21. Like, nothing changes in real time. So, the psychological change is what we embrace or battle. In this case, it is the mental embrace or disgrace of the previous year. Consequently, 2016 was a year, in my estimation, to depart and dwell on no more. So, since walking into a new year is typically uneventful, unless you realize you are no longer alone and the companion you acquired is a bear, you best pick it up a bit...

As I am stepping quicker, I can feel my pulse quicken as well. I realize that 2016 is going to pale in comparison to 2017 (I honestly am somewhat afeared to say that as these were the optimistic sentiments I shared with my m-i-l in December of 1989 just before she contracted bacterial meningitis which almost killed her and landed her in the hospital for 6 weeks with heart damage and a blind eye). But, will go ahead and reiterate, 2017 will be incredible. I really really expect it to be so!

So, in lieu of further delay, I'm going to include my resolutions for 2017. Now, I know many, one who may read this even, who hold resolutions in a dirty diaper hold with a nose up, but I have discovered a strength from making a statement and allowing it to form a new habit.
     #1 my ongoing (work in progress) resolution to minimize. There are many who embrace minimizing in a cult like manner. I, on the other hand, just want the excess to go.out.of.my.house. So, I realize that it is virtually impossible for my dream of all I desire being carried in my backpack, I also know that I am closer to that goal since I resolved to minimalize about three years ago. But this minimalization is not restricted to material possessions alone. I have the goal to minimalize my diet (resulting in weight loss) also. And my debt... although this is a little trickier, I think I might be closer than ever this year. Which brings me to my next resolution.
   #2  this one will be a challenge and quite tricky... my goal is to make it an entire year, 365 days, without purchasing anything new. Now, there are some disclaimers since a person cannot live without spending money in the USA (even under a bridge). So, I have made concessions for needs. One-I can buy consumables such as food items and toilet paper, things that are needed to live, but if I have some (soap for example) I have to use it up before I buy new. I'm excited because I'm kinda a freak about buying my favorite vanilla body spray enmasse since my favorites are usually discontinued, but not this year. I'm going to do without if need be. And fuel fits under this category. I cannot drive without fuel... Two-bills. I will pay my bills. On time. As usual. Three-emergency replacement. If my refrigerator goes out (knock on wood-same fridge we bought when we moved to NE!) I can replace it, etc... Four-giving.
  #3  love up on my husband. Yep, I have to make it a resolution since right now he is neglected. I'm simply talking about making a conscious effort to show him he is the most important human being on this earth to me (without saying, "You are the most important human being on this earth to me.")
  #4  dig deeper into the Word. I love God's Word. I'm not sure how deep I can go, but I know however deep I go, God (recently I read a quote, "when I say 'God,' I mean God, Jesus, Holy Spirit-I like that a bunch) will meet me there.  AND pray. This pray thing is the most neglected area of my life (next to John). I pray for people when I am asked, but I do not spend time in deep conversation with God as I want/need. AND scripture memorization.

There you have it.
It like looks like four resolutions, but indeed #1, #3 & #4 are ongoing improvements. But then again, that is what a resolution is, isn't it?
So, knowing none of this can happen in my own power, unabashedly begging and pleading for God's grace in these matters will be called for.

Out with the old year, 2016, and on with the New Year, 2017!

This IS Life...

Why does it seem that during the school year, I can manage things better? Maybe it is because I have no choice but to live it, deal with it, and move on...

I am on summer break, and I am trying to cram all of the relaxed-living in as possible. I guess that is because there is no time to live during the school year. I have seriously wondered about that. It seems incredibly wrong to not have time to "live" during my working life-time.

My last post was about dealing with the loss of my father, well, today I got notice that my uncle passed away... "approximately 1:36 a.m." Doesn't sound very approximate to me. RIP Uncle Danny.

I had three uncles I knew well. Uncle Mel died at the end of 2012. Uncle Allen died 19 September 2013. Uncle Dan died 6-17-2016. Wow... I have a friend that says, "God did not create us to deal with death." I think I need to ask her what she means. I am grieving. These men were the world to me... They were the epitome of male role models. They were God the Father's image. No, not perfect, but in collective form they were kind and loving. They were passers on of godly examples. Between my uncles and my dad, I was so blessed with men of God in my life. Wow-O-Wow!!

                                         Uncle Dan and Forest best friends since their youth.
                                                      Married sisters in December 1950
                                                       UD-dob 4-3-1927 dod 6-17-2016
                                                      FD-dob 4-18-1927 dod 12-25-2015

my.life.sucks

What could there be to say? Christmas Day 2015 my dad died. I still think of him. I was getting ready for church this morning and it popped into my head again... He is gone. No more conversations, ever. I know I'll see him in heaven, but that is not here and now. I don't regret not contacting him more. That is not the point. I called him as much as I could/cared to, but now I cannot even call him at all. I miss my dad. There were times I called just to talk. Kinda like writing on this blog. Nothing that is spectacular, just life. He cared about my life. There are times I wonder if he really did. I think he did. I know he loved me, and my brother, and my sister. Without a doubt. I hope my kids know I love them, even when it looks like I don't get involved. I wonder if they will say to themselves, gee, mom must have really cared... She never called...

So, what am I to do? Just keep thinking things will change when my brain is no longer in the deep freeze of this winter... I feel held captive by the weather.

I know it is not true, but right now, I feel like  my.life.sucks

I'd probably feel better if I ate better
I'd probably feel better if I were warm
I'd probably feel better if I felt better

Why can I not be confident like Samuel?
Why can't I be creative like Jennifer?
Why can't I be sure like Kelly?
Why can't I be kind like John?
What will they say about me when I die?