Colossians~ss day three on this book

FrUsTrAtIoN!!! Ok, I know that I have no room to be frustrated. Ok, I know that God gave me this job. Ok, I know that I need to quit thinking it is mine. Ok, Ok, Ok, OK!! Now that I got all that out, just short of a scream... Heavenly Father, how do you keep from losing your mind. I have gobbled up this book. I have consumed it verse by verse and I am feeling like a race horse in the starting gate and I cannot go. I cannot get anyone to race with me. I am exploding inside! Why are they so slow to get out of the stable? Why are they so slow? Oh oH oh ooohhh, they are still on milk... oh, Father, forgive me... I am about to explode and they are not beyond the crawling stage, supping on m.i.l.k! Today I thought (I planned) that we should finish chapter 1 and on to chapter 2. Next week will be week #4 and we are on QUESTION 4 - of the introduction - chapter 1 - in the study book. We have not even begun to tackle the verses... But we did actually read the entire book of Colossians, because I know that there are those who had not even done that (it is so hard to believe that), but we read person by person and out of different translations... so that is progress. "Why are you in such a hurry?" says God. Yes, why, why, why??? I guess because I know what beauty it holds. I know how wonderful it is, like a chocolate that is too good to hold in your mouth, but to gobble down looking for the second one to savor! God's word, words to live by, words that I can hardly contain within my heart, within my soul! Ok, I get it, I get that it IS Your word and few of these beautiful people have ever been in a study that requires them to grow in a way that will capitalize on Jesus and His Grace and His goodness. All about You Dear Jesus! I guess in my anticipation of time drawing rapidly to a close, I want to know they are prepared, "And I don't?" Forgive me Dear God. I am running willy nilly. Oh forgive me! Keep me within Your boundaries. Keep me with my eyes on you, keep me...keep me...keep me~

Welcome to you Beth!

I have invited a friend, Beth, to follow my silly-ness!! Welcome to the journee... Beth, I have to say I am not as prompt about adding information to this blog as I would like, but I will try to do better. I know you are interested in my life and what we are studying. I will do my best to keep it up. I am excited for you to make comments. I have only told Jennifer about this site, so you and I are pretty much the only ones to trek in this territory. [My mind pictures a vast wilderness depicting my thoughts...empty-ness...sheer nothing-ness : )]It is not often a territory of pictures, but I did add one of Jenn and Josh as they were heading to their honeymoon. Aren't they an attractive couple? It would really be good if I at least got my immediate family on here. And, I have never once mentioned the newest addition to our family tree, little fruit Jude. Anyhow, WELCOME!

where am i? the original that I did not know I had...

I wonder where I am everyday. That is kind of a miss statement. I know where I am, I'm in Nebraska, at home on the farm, I'm in my chair or at school or in my car... So, maybe the real question is not where but how am I? My question is always about where I stand in my faith, but I know where that is. I am in love with Jesus. There is no other. So really, the... Well, that was it. Eventhough I did not complete this, I did pretty good remembering my train of thought.

where am I?

I started this post earlier, but had trouble as I was doing it on my phone and there are times that my phone will not cooperate. I might need to edit something I wrote and I tap the screen and then the cursor jumps all over the place. Drives me crazy. I suppose I should have posted then edited here, but it seemed like too much work so now I need to remember where I am and what I was talking about... haha well really the question is not so much where but who or why or how... I really think I think about where I am in the Lord... I love Him with more of my being than I know I have. He is so good to me when I just don't deserve it. I realize that I try to stay on top of things but I fall so short. I guess I just need to remember that He does it, it is Him Him Him all the way, I am simply willing. So I guess that is where I am, I am standing in the presence of God the Father a broken pot, but none the less a willing vessel. He is within me holding what needs to be held since when I accepted Him He filled my spirit with His OWN Spirit! Oh my goodness, can you just imagine? Can you grasp how incredible that is? He, the Creator of the universe, is within me, within tiny nothing me!!! I am so very unworthy, yet I just don't know what or how to be anything else? I guess it is good He loves this cracked pot...

book list

Hmmm, an empty book list, this can't be good!!!

What seems natural

~It seems natural to me to talk about God* ~It seems natural to me to talk about how I feel about Jesus* ~It seems natural to study until my brains are squeezed* ~It seems natural to love my kids more than life itself* ~It seems natural to read rather than work on my home, job, life...yikes* ~It seems natural to want chocolate* ~It seems natural to lack confidence about myself* ~It seems natural to obsess about some things* ~It seems natural to ponder being swallowed alive by the Holy Spirit* ~It seems natural to have funny dreams* ~It seems natural to drive* ~It seems natural to want to sleep all day* ~It seems natural to smile*

Changes

I am off fb... who ever thought?!!! I am out of school in 5 days... amazing! I am dedicating my summer to learning more about Jesus and what God tells us in His word. I am anticipating a life altering summer! My baby - 4Runner - is not feeling very well. My sweetheart has found me a new car - new baby - 4Runner - My baby - Jennifer - has graduated: May 5, 2012! ... the baby comes August My baby - Kelly - will graduate: August 10, 2012! Amazing! There is no way to explain how quick I feel about what is happening. Just so much in such a short time.

Resolutions 2012

1) Serve God not man
2) let it go
3) live every day with fervor and intention (purpose)
4) build my relationship with John
5) continue to minimize

The New Year

You'd think as I approached my 50th birthday, this 49th year of my life, I would know all about everything... At least that is what I thought about my parents at this time in their lives. Boy, I wonder if they had me bamboozled or if they really knew...

I have figured out some things that I thought would never click. #1 I have got it mastered how to walk for exercise. I am a movie lover and if I watch a movie I have never seen, and only allow myself to watch when I walk, MOTIVATION!!! #2 I have learned how to get out of school at a reasonable time. I still have things to do that I need to do following school, but for the most part I get to leave when the 4:00 bell rings. #3 I don't freak out too much before school. I really have got a handle on how to teach. I don't panic when I am preparing. Panicking made me feel bad and was generally unproductive. I wanted to be the best teacher ever, but maybe I will just settle for being ok, making sure the kids love me just as I am and for accepting them for who they are and teaching them what I can in the meantime.

I have yet to figure out how to be the me I want to be ALL the time. I want to go to work in the morning and feel good about what I am doing, I want to sleep at night knowing that I did o.k. I want to be content. I am not quite sure I can figure out how to be true to Jesus and myself 24-7. I find at times that it will hit me after work or after several hours or a day or so that I did not even consider Him in my day. Maybe that is because I am listening to God all the time and doing what He says and acting how He directs... o.k., I am not, I am simply being a human and living a human life. It is demanding to focus on God 24-7, but that is what I want. That is what I was called to do. I just need to learn how to teach in a public school and to live in a secular society and live according to His ways and His plans and His calling.

I bet if I start my day in prayer and study... I know I have been called to do that and I have turned my back on God since He started to tell me that the best time would be in the morning. I just need to surrender my body to Him, to give up my desire to sleep in and rest my physical self. Oh how much of a blessing it would be!! I know it would be. I know it would be...sleep is not what it is cracked up to be. Well, for me it is because I am foggy headed when I am tired. Thyroid!! I just need to study in the p.m. or a.m. I think I will try in the p.m. and see how that works. Of course I will not know if a.m. is better, cuz if p.m. works, I will definitely NOT try a.m. : )